I used to live a hectic life, letting the days and weeks fly by. I was consumed with meeting people’s expectations and didn’t allow for self-care or boundaries. Surely, loving your neighbors was only a metaphor for how busy God expects me to be in my church. I gave energy to everyone who asked. Too often, I had nothing significant left for the myself or my family. I was oblivious to how this constant busyness was taxing our family and how utterly exhausted I was becoming.
We’ve all heard the African proverb, “It takes a village to raise a child.” I think that even as adults we never stop depending on that village. We all have a circle of people we need – probably more than we realize. It’s never highlighted so clearly as during times of crisis. We discover whom we can lean on, and hopefully, we survive unscathed and more grateful.
“I do. I take you to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, and I will never change my mind.”
These were the vows we took 16 years ago. We believed wholly in our promise to one another. This commitment was a done deal, come what may. Each of us were utterly sincere; but oh, how young and untested we were!
The first month of our Nashville summer was almost perfect. The kids put away all their homeschool books. We grilled out on our patio, went for family hikes, and checked out a few community festivals. I renewed our pool membership and we used it like mad. We took a road trip to South Dakota to see our family. We sent Addison to his first ever sleep away camp for a week.
Steve and I occasionally meet people who love what they see in our family, or who have read something of ours that inspires them, and they want advice. If you could look inside my head in that moment, you would see a fire roaring to life. We are both passionate about family, about doing life together wholeheartedly, about enduring and vibrant relationships. I hate to hear that a marriage is dying. I hate to see kids struggling alone like I did. We believe the Lord “sets the lonely in families” (Psalm 68:6) with the same passionate fire. Its one way he pours out his deep love for us. Family is worth fighting for!
Ah, siblings. Steve and I both came from families of three kids, each with two older sons and then a daughter, all the average of two years apart. He was the middle child and I was the baby. Because one child wasn’t enough for us and three was too many, Steve and I settled on two. Our daughter is four years older than our son. They are our (very) happy medium. Statistically, the gender and age difference make sibling tension much less common in our set up. But we have our off days, trust me.
Does anyone remember the game Red Rover? Our whole 3rd grade class used to line up and play this at recess. Twenty-four rambunctious kids squeezing each other’s hands with a sweaty grip of death… Makes me want to break out the hand sanitizer!
I sometimes feel as though, in aiming for a well balanced life together, my family is engaging in one massive game of Red Rover. There’s a million things that want to bust through our line and it takes effort to hold our links steady. Distractions, obligations, opportunities. We could overbook ourselves in a heartbeat or end up in separate directions if we aren’t focused.
I remember having our first baby, Adrienne. Steve and I were still babies ourselves, so naive! We had no idea the exact mission we were embarking on. I had this neat little plan all laid out to be back at work in no time. But when I first held her, it suddenly dawned on me: here is this new little person and I have zero idea who she is. (When I think about it, Steve and I will spend our lifetimes getting to know Adrienne and her brother Addison.)
I’ve been thinking about Martha, one of the most seemingly cantankerous women in the Bible. She’s painted as the ugly villain, the stingy shrew, when I hear her story told. Inwardly I’m shouting, “Unfair!” If Martha and I took personality or career aptitude tests, our results would be identical. I understand what made her tick. But her virtues are overlooked when compared to her siblings . I am here to set the record straight.
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