This June—on the 6th, to be exact—our family celebrates 10 years of freedom.
A full decade has passed since we walked away from a Controlling Unchecked Leadership Theocracy. They saddle members with a weekly agenda of sanctified micromanagement which fuels familial disconnect, They have a decades-long history of consuming families, co-opting their wealth, all their free time, and collective futures, with nothing to show for it. They are people eaters, family eaters.
We left for two main reasons:
This was an environment of mandatory attendance at 4 long weekly services, unpaid labor, midnight phone calls, constant special offerings… Drain, drain, drain. With no acknowledgment or grasp of what they were usurping. First, families deserve a chance to thrive— to taste a joyful life together without constant stress and interruptions. In our case, from what the leadership suddenly needed or regularly expected of its members.
Second, we believe that family is a sacred opportunity, even a mandate, to cultivate a legacy that both glorifies God and satisfies our souls. Leaving was an act of trusting Jesus as Lord of our family.
Rejecting that place and their ideology initially opened me up to tricky moments of self-doubt. Is setting boundaries and saying NO a sin? But with distance came clarity: “Family first” doesn’t ruffle Jesus in the slightest. On the contrary, he champions me as I prioritize intentionally connecting to my husband, son, and daughter. He appoints us to nurture our families in the unique way that only we can; no one will do this in our place if we are lured away by other concerns. I remain firmly convicted that to “touch the world” but neglect my family is ungodly.
Lifelong closeness doesn’t happen automatically—blood and vows aren’t guarantees.
Wise parents know: relationships don’t thrive on the back burner. No, connection is built by purposing to slow down, by resolving to limit extra commitments. This continual decision afforded us a decade of mostly unhurried family dinners, bike rides and sunset walks, park dates, and beach jaunts. We celebrated our family on swinging bridges in Costa Rica, at ancient pyramids in Mexico, and along countless cross-country road trips. Being together never ceases to be a very big deal.
Ten years later, Steve and I are humbled and radiant with joy. When we look at the life we now share—the emotional closeness, shared and vibrant faith, even the material stability—we feel immense gratitude. It feels like an absolute miracle how much we have recovered.
Just recently, I turned 45. We celebrated in St. Augustine with our Eagle Scout and pilot son, and our college senior daughter. The highlight? Watching them crack up with laughter as they traded old family stories across the dinner table. I froze the moment in my mind. This—this was the vision! A connected family. Whole, joyful, with more wonder and possibilities unfurling into the future.
We did it. And we’re still doing it—holding tight to Jesus and to one another, and to the dear friends we have all made on this journey.
PS
The Controlling Unchecked Leadership Theocracy regularly preached that their organization was a special “ark,” “a safe place,” where families would fall apart if they left. This created phobias and dependency. Each time we saw a precious family unravel, leadership deflected blame— questioning their integrity, their parenting, and their faith. In truth, the root of the problem was the Theocracy itself. It is a system that demands too much, gives too little, and masks control as righteousness. We will continue to recount our story for whoever it helps— and to let our character and legacy speak for themselves.
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