The Brendtros have a strong stance on wholehearted family life, particularly in marriage. When we wrap wedding presents we celebrate with our friends, and expect that faithfulness will be the hallmark of a new life together.
But that’s not always the case, is it? Some who say those “until death do us part” vows walking through a scary season of life. Family has been squandered, hopes and dreams hang by a thread. Both partners may be completely exhausted. The home you’ve shared together is no longer a refuge, it’s a battleground. This isn’t what you signed up for and you deserve better.
Marriage is God’s Idea
Marriage relationships are a bond meant to balance the stress of life, a joyful partnership that makes life brilliant and bearable. But throw imperfect people into close proximity for a lifetime commitment and it can feel like barreling over rapids in a flimsy box.
Marriage between two good hearted people is God’s idea, to be a picture of the unbreakable bond of love between Christ and the church. We are powerful partners who make plain to the world the unceasing love of God. Our home is a source of blessing to our families and community. Our light unmasks the enemy as it illuminates God’s unfathomable goodness. The devotion in our home is the beauty of holiness.
I say this as a sociologist who has worked in both domestic violence shelters and human trafficking victim safehouses. If you are with a person who deprives, manipulates and hurts you with words or fists, this is NOT the article for your case. You need rescued. humantraffickinghotline.org/en thehotline.org/
3 Lies the Enemy Sells
But oh, how the devil conspires to turn us against one another! He uses every tool available to drown us, until the power we wield as a family is neutralized. This process is often slow and steady. He’s a ruthless opponent who wants the antithesis of God’s good design for your life. Our enemy uses the same playbook over and over.
His first play is to distract our family, either with stacked-up stressors or with distractions disguised as opportunities, Either way, the busyness causes us to coast. The lie is that we’re invincible and self-sufficient– we can make time later. We’re tempted to live for right now, at the cost of our future. Meanwhile, the family ship veers off course and priorities become helter-skelter.
The devil’s second scheme is to cause us to disregard the overwhelming value of the legacy which our family is constructing. We forget that our children are watching, internalizing the values we project. We disremember that God has called us to leave an inheritance to our children’s children. The lie is that our legacy isn’t powerful. But listen up Family: the truth is that we are capable of leaving a deposit in future generations just as our heroes of faith left for us– Noah, Abraham, Ruth, etc. This legacy is established brick by brick: bravely keep true to your vow when it’s downright painful, hold unswervingly to the Word of God even in crisis, stay positioned for the grace and power of a faithful God.
Finally, the enemy of our souls attempts to capitalize on our passivity. He bypassed our priorities and legacy, so now the family reaches a point of ultimate crisis. We suddenly assess the mess of our marriage, our internal misery, the battleground in our home, and conclude that it would be too hard to fix. We repeat aloud the lie whispered in our ear, “Our marriage is too far gone. It will be too hard and take too much effort to fix. It will be easier to just let it dissolve.”
This isn’t necessarily true. Steve and I found ourselves here 10 years ago. However, at our lowest and most brokenhearted juncture, Jesus recaptured our attention. In a matter of hours, we moved from catastrophe to a new do-over road together. I experienced Psalm 34, “Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. In my desperation, I prayed, and the Lord listened; he saved me from all my troubles.”
What now?
The Lord hates divorce because it quashes his intervention. Divorce spoils a family legacy. It rips apart people whom the Creator values immensely, invested in and nurtured as his own children. Often, divorce creates more problems than it solves.
Two good-hearted people who love God, by His transformative power, can recover a thriving, joyful connection. We have a Great Defender who, this very minute, is fiercely fighting for our marriages.
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