Homeschooling is a bit like parenting on steroids. We wear more hats than simply Mom or Dad — principal, project manager, teacher, event coordinator… Plus, we’re spending the majority of our days together, and this proximity is often a pressure cooker.

Take a step back though. What is the whole goal of this homeschool effort, if not to encourage our students to grow in responsibility and to be curious about the world around them? We committed to this journey with joy and excitement, but being constantly mired in conflicts muddles our progress. Let’s recapture the secret power of a home-based education: togetherness.

The Bible mentions two times a warning that comes into play for homeschooling parents. First, “Do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged,” and also “Do not exasperate your children.” What can we do to encourage our kids, to give them our energy and enthusiasm for learning? How can we avoid conflict and exasperation?

1. We are slow to be angry and quick to say sorry. 

We always use please, thank you, and all other kind and gentle words.

2. We speak truth because lies damage our relationships.

3. We behave like “you are more important than me.” 

We know adults deserve special honor.  We know family = treasure.

4. We know our parents want us safe. We ask before we go anywhere. 

We don’t keep secrets. We share about our day.

5. We act like Brendtros  and children of God wherever we are, to bring honor to both names.

6. We know our parents look for ways to bless us and we look for ways to bless others. 

7. We are careful with things, no matter who owns it. We ask to borrow. We choose to share. 

We enjoy tidy spaces and we clean up after ourselves

8. We are happy to be in a healthy house. 

We ask for snacks, eat what is offered, say thanks, clean up, and don’t dally.   

9. We do what we are told. We do it fast.

We don’t argue or whine. We know no means no.

10. We brush, bathe and get beautiful without reminders.

We love being clean and ready on time.

If you know me, you know I am very competitive. The possibility of beating a perceived challenge is pure motivation. So today is our 21st wedding anniversary and — DRUMROLL PLEASE — according to the statistics, Steve and I are marriage champions! The average American wedding ends in divorce in a mere 8.2 years (or weirdly, 12.2 if you’re a New Yorker).

All joking aside, this dismal statistic causes a swell of sorrow. We cannot imagine what our lives would be if we had checked out at year 8; we would have missed the most outstanding parts! If I sound overly optimistic or traditional, it’s only because holding on to this relationship has enriched the quality of life. That said, we had a fight this summer that felt monumental.  It was immensely frustrating and took a solid week to negotiate. I found myself wishing that we were all much franker about what it takes to remain married —  joyfully, without killing each other. For this reason, I am highlighting 5 traits that make our marriage robust for two decades and counting.